Oh Dad

Dad

For some today is a wonderful day, a celebration of life, love and happiness. A day where children and partners get to share gifts and kind gestures with deserving Dads all around the world.

But

For people like me, today is a day of sadness. A day where the only gift I get to share is the gift of a beautiful memory. This day is a reminder of my challenging reality. After losing my Dad about a year ago, all these celebrations seem to become a bit more heavier as time goes by. I see all the love being shown, all the pictures and gifts being shared and part of me feels so left out. Today, is a quiet day for me, a day of very little words but so many emotions running through my mind and filling my heart. But still the spirit carries me and helps me move forward.

Oh Dad how my little heart misses you ♥

–  I would like to take this time to send love to grieving hearts around the world. All any girl wants to be, is her Daddy’s little girl ♥

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How nature helps me to cope with loss

♥ Experiencing loss is never an easy road, in fact I feel like it possibly could be a never ending journey of trying to find peace and acceptance on a road that feels very close to impossible. Until you experience loss – especially of someone very close to your heart you may never understand this painful journey. Trying to deal with loss is very challenging, you struggle to open up and talk but you need to, you struggle to be around people and sometimes even the outdoors but you need that support system, you struggle to cope with work, studies or anything else that requires your time and a clear mind.

It is not just loss, you lose a very big part of you, you lose dreams and hope, you lose a future. You can not speak about it because in order for you to speak you have to face reality and for me some of us (me especially) are actually not ready to face reality. Quiet moments creep in and your little heart sinks as you reminded that this person is actually gone; you will never see them again, you can not talk to them again and it is the worst possible feeling in the world. Loss also leads to loneliness, depression and anxiety and the worst suicidal thoughts.

I admit I have not dealt with my loss, it is just too painful at the moment and my little heart just will not allow me to face reality just yet. I went through my worst depression stage during the first 6 months of my Fathers death, looking back I can not even recognize that broken girl. I go through shorter or more temporary phases of depression now where I do not feel like doing anything, where I feel like being alone and where I just pray in my own space.

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Nature, oh beautiful nature is my must-go-to in order to feel okay. When I crave nature then I know I am very close to breaking point – so I try my best to fulfill my hearts wishes. I do not need to go far, a simple cup of tea in the garden, a walk on the beach or just simply standing on the sand watching the waves and my new favorite; standing outside late at night to stare at the starts – I guess part of me feels like the brightest star is my guardian angel. This helps me to cope with those very heavy days where I feel like I can not carry myself anymore, those days where my mind, heart and soul tell me that I have been too strong for way to long. Nature is my coping mechanism – I think the earth is so beautiful and I suppose the way I take note of how things in nature grow through different seasons, the way flowers die but after some time become alive again brings me some form of peace ♥

I have learnt that the only way to deal with something is to do exactly that – deal with it. But for me, until then, nature will be my therapist, my counselor, my daily reading and place of peace.

To every grieving heart – I am sending you so much love, strength and peace ♥

xOxO – Robyne 🙂

The ocean calms my restless soul

Hey 🙂

So I haven’t written in a while now, again life gets so busy that I do not have the time to do the little things that bring me peace and keep me happy. Ever so often when I am sidetracked with work all I want to do is bury myself in bed for days, but what does it help? This has been a question on my mind for a while now. Of course when you are drained it is best to be alone and “rest” but at the same time  I am also learning that rest comes in different forms like; reading a new book or finishing an old one, taking part in an extra hobby or finding a new one, taking a walk on the beach, getting a workout in. I honestly feel like these are the little things that help us rest not only the mind but the body and the soul as well.

As part of learning I also spend time on the internet reading some articles, watching videos (even the longer ones haha) and educating myself more about the importance of resting and the best possible ways of doing it. I am learning that it is so important to be aware of why we are required to take care of ourselves and why it is necessary.

The photograph below is one of my favorites – a special moment of “peace” after a long walk on the beach. Soul filling.

xOxO – Robyne

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Dear Solitude

Dear Solitude

My soul yearns for your peaceful feeling. I have not been able to experience your power in such a long time. I admit at times I let the noise get to me, unintentionally. I try so hard to find ways to be with you; reading a novel, coloring in my favorite book, writing in my journal or even praying deeply but as of recent all I hear is the “noise” of life. I feel so distracted at times, like I spend so much time feeding everything else except my soul. And now, my soul feels lost, alone and sometimes even empty. This makes me feel guilty because its as if I am not putting me first again.

Dear solitude; I seem to find you in the darkness before I lay at night but its not the same. My heart is so full of emotions and sometimes they get the best of me. I crave the silence but not the normal type; I crave the feeling you give me when I am in nature, lost in the beauty of this world, forgetting all of what I currently feel – my soul yearns for you. Recently I have found myself more down and emotional but I know its because I have not made time to be with you. When I am with you, my heart is filled with joy, my soul with peace and my face with a smile. I know when I am with you because I feel it, I sense it and when I look at myself, I see it – total happiness.

I try to let go of what I can not control. Although, with the “noise” becoming so much I seem to lose my way. You see, when we don’t meet often, I am not the same. So many things can be right but I focus on what feels wrong. The noise is trying to take over me but I can not allow it. Solitude, I need to find my way back to you. The moments we share together I feel whole, even if its just for a bit. But these are the moments that carry me along my journey. I crave you mind, body and soul. I crave that soul-filling feeling you give me, I crave the peace and I crave those beautiful moments where I talk to God.

Dear Solitude, I pray I find my way back to you again, and again and again until the end of time.

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The Detox week

Ever since I felt like I was getting myself back I chose to start doing what I used to before, those little activities that kept me going of course. I started with a spiritual and mental detox. Not only am I being very careful with what I see, hear and do but with what I allow to enter my body as a whole.

Physical detox: This week I decided to eat different foods. Usually when I stress or I am just exhausted I hardly have an appetite, so I eat very little or very mixed, this leaving me feeling bloated and uncomfortable. So I dedicated this week to eating lighter and healthier, making sure I drink all the water that I need to and honestly I admit I feel a change in my body and its only day 3. I feel lighter and much less uncomfortable.

The term “rest” has been completely thrown out of the window as of recent. I struggle to rest because even though my body is ready to take a nap or just be, my mind and heart is full and as a result my whole being stays exhausted. Day 3 and I have been fitting in about a 30-45 minute power nap and honestly I can feel the difference and change slowly taking place.

Social media detox: Because I have a blog page on Facebook (sincerely robyne) I usually feel the need to constantly be on there, just making sure that I keep engaging with my followers. But this type of mindset eventually drains me and the exhaustion takes its toll. I have to remind myself that as much as I want to motivate and inspire people I need to feel okay first, in order to tackle anything else.

Sometimes I find myself stuck on Instagram, not comparing myself to anything or anyone but recently I have found so many negative posts with negative comments that end up bothering me. I tend to take things slightly personal, meaning I feel and take everything differently to the average individual. So from time to time I either put a restriction on my apps or I remove it completely and when I am ready I will make use of it again.

Spiritual detox: This will always be my most important and most special “me time” journey. I get so caught up in work and life that I forget who I serve. This time my detox is different, now, I am trying to empty my mind slowly everyday so that when I am strong and ready again – I will find my way to my God.

My spiritual being brings me peace but if my mind, heart and soul are filled with the things of this world then I will never have peace. Its in moments like these that I learn again and again about what is truly important in my life, what truly matters and what truly deserves, my time and energy.

Here’s to doing what I love again,

To finding happiness,

To finding peace and,

to finding God 

 

 

Sunday loving

I absolutely love Sundays, right now I’m sitting in the lounge, the sun is softly shining through the curtains. I can hear the wind outside and I have the radio on. Silence, a cup of hot tea and the laptop is so peaceful for me.

What makes it so special?

My mind tries its best to be calm on this day of the week. Its calm enough for me to make peace with the previous week, overlook my “weak” moments, try to understand when I was not myself. This calm mind allows me to look back with peace but not stay there, the goal of course, is to always move forward.

Besides working through what has past. This calm mind and heart allows me to look forward to the new week, sometimes with excitement. There is no better feeling than feeling like you okay, like you are coping, like those little efforts are paying off, like you are happy.

Its moments like these that keep me going. Wishing everyone a blessed week ahead.

My week – in short

The past few weeks have been very draining for me. Emotionally, mentally and physically. All I have been focused on is my work, other peoples problems but I never made the time to face or solve that of my own. So much of my time is usually taken because I have to be there for people, listen to their problems or issues and that keeps my mind so occupied and so drained. Sometimes I do not even feel comfortable complaining!

What have I been working on over the past few days?

Trying to focus a little more on myself again, I am trying to put ME first again. I know its normal to lose your focus but the aim is getting back into it again. This week was challenging but it wasn’t as hectic as last week or the weeks before that. I had some time to myself during the course of the week to rest, work in my own time, relax and just be.

It really is a good feeling, of making progress that is. Making progress by yourself; for yourself. The daily efforts truly do count especially if its for your own happiness. I think the secrete is in never giving up even when you feel like you are drifting away, by Gods grace you are drawn back. Back to working on your happiness, that you deserve.

But my secrete? is my Faith 

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